So the last thing I thought I was going to be able to do - EVER - we be to make myself vomit. See, I had the weight loss surgery and from time to time food gets stuck in my little pouch. However, with the pregnancy it has become a more and more regular occurrence. The pouch is small, the baby is getting bigger and squishing the pouch making it even smaller. So, I eat my dinner and well, then it gets stuck and I have no choice but to relieve the problem.
Unfortunately, I was not forewarned this could happen. I can say that since I haven't learned my lesson yet then it wouldn't have mattered if someone had forewarned me... I still eat what I like though those choices have changed quite a lot!
Another thing I've run into would be the most painful gas I have ever experienced in my life! This is not gas you would release by passing as a burp or toot but as a part of the digestive process. Sadly, there really isn't anything you can do to relive it, it has to pass on it's own. The worse it gets, the more difficult it is to eat or drink. Generally, I have to try to throw up to just move things around, eventually it works but until then - it is the WORSE pain ever! Since it is very difficult to eat or drink, when going through this, one can get dehydrated very quickly. When you're pregnant - that's a very bad thing.
I have to admit that if I had known I was going to go through either of these, to the extent that I do, I don't know if I would have gotten pregnant again. Well, I certainly feel that way when I'm going through the worst of it all but in light of what we have gone through, I would go through hell everyday of my life to have this baby! So, as usual - NO REGRETS!
If you are interested in having weight loss surgery and getting pregnant, just keep these things in mind but go for it anyway! Don't let it stop you. On top of all the baby rewards, my by-pass surgeon told me that women who have the surgery then get pregnant, report they feel like they've had the surgery a second time because their stomachs shrink. I guess they loose any weight they gain very quickly. Well, I've gained 28 pounds, so far, I'm sure a good amount is baby but the rest is not. I'm not banking on loosing it quickly but I figure once I put a bit of work into it, the weight will fall off!
Here's hoping! Good luck to anyone who is looking to do what the hubs and I have done - it truly is a gift I could have only hoped and prayed for. Every ache and pain is well worth it!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
how I lost the weight
Now that I have given you may back ground, I will tell you what led me to finally loose weight and how I went about it.
My very dear friend, K, was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer at the same time the hubs and I realized we were financially in over our heads. K is my very BFF I'm really closer to her than either my sis's. I was truly devastated when I found out which pushed me into a deeper depression than I was already in - I should add that I did not know that I was depressed at that time. Hubs, L and I did nothing but fight constantly. I figured that with K going through all that she was, I was going to take care of my self go to the doctor and get healthy... I did NOT do that. Hubs and I decided we needed to move for a more financially secure situation so we sold our house and moved into a very nice apartment. I was still quite miserable though. The fighting had gotten better, L and I were not really fighting at all but at this point I had pretty much checked out of life. There is NOTHING worse than having a wonderful child and being so depressed that you can't appreciate it! Hubs and I had a pretty bad fight and I kicked him out - not that I meant it or that he actually left.
I decided to, finally, go to the doctor. She decided, for my best interest - and health - that she wanted to see me frequently (every four weeks for a bit) to make sure I wasn't getting to a deeper depression. She and I decided I would take antidepressants, which worked for a bit though the side affects were too much to take.
During one of my appointments, she suggested I see a gastric by-pass surgeon to discuss options for loosing a lot of weight in a quick amount of time. I agreed to go and met him on, if you can believe this, my birthday! I researched the heck out of lap-band surgery and decided this was the best approach for me. However, once I met the amazing doctor, we realized that with the band, I could eat what I wanted when I wanted - just smaller amounts. So I said, I could eat ice cream if I want ice cream, he said yes. The amazing hubs told me that I was not going to have the band because if I could eat ice cream, I will eat ice cream so he decided I was going to have the by-pass and I, of course, was completely on board with it - I would not have done it if I wasn't on board completely.
Now, by-pass surgery isn't for everyone - weight loss surgery ISN'T for everyone but it was perfect for me. It took about six months for me to go through the pre-surgery process, I had to loose 5% of my weight before I could have it and I had to make some pretty serious commitments to myself, the hubs and my medical team. I lost 20 pounds pre-surgery, which was more than I needed to. I also needed to do some serious soul searching, too. This was a lifetime decision, it affected the hubs and L and it was truly a life or death situation - life because it was going to save my life and add years to it, death because if I didn't do it, I could die and if I did do it I could die.... Ultimately, I decided I'd rather die trying than doing nothing and I was so terribly unhappy I can't say if I wouldn't have died from "other" reasons.
On the way to the hospital, morning of my surgery - April 29, 2099 - I looked at the hubs, asked if I was doing the right thing, he told me that he wouldn't bring me unless he thought I was. So, needless to say - I had the surgery! I started weighing my heaviest 321 pounds and lost 141 pounds to my lowest, adult weight, of 185 pounds. I should add that I lost the total weight in six months - normally, you would loose the weight in 9-12 months, I was ahead of the game!
This is where the REAL work started...
My very dear friend, K, was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer at the same time the hubs and I realized we were financially in over our heads. K is my very BFF I'm really closer to her than either my sis's. I was truly devastated when I found out which pushed me into a deeper depression than I was already in - I should add that I did not know that I was depressed at that time. Hubs, L and I did nothing but fight constantly. I figured that with K going through all that she was, I was going to take care of my self go to the doctor and get healthy... I did NOT do that. Hubs and I decided we needed to move for a more financially secure situation so we sold our house and moved into a very nice apartment. I was still quite miserable though. The fighting had gotten better, L and I were not really fighting at all but at this point I had pretty much checked out of life. There is NOTHING worse than having a wonderful child and being so depressed that you can't appreciate it! Hubs and I had a pretty bad fight and I kicked him out - not that I meant it or that he actually left.
I decided to, finally, go to the doctor. She decided, for my best interest - and health - that she wanted to see me frequently (every four weeks for a bit) to make sure I wasn't getting to a deeper depression. She and I decided I would take antidepressants, which worked for a bit though the side affects were too much to take.
During one of my appointments, she suggested I see a gastric by-pass surgeon to discuss options for loosing a lot of weight in a quick amount of time. I agreed to go and met him on, if you can believe this, my birthday! I researched the heck out of lap-band surgery and decided this was the best approach for me. However, once I met the amazing doctor, we realized that with the band, I could eat what I wanted when I wanted - just smaller amounts. So I said, I could eat ice cream if I want ice cream, he said yes. The amazing hubs told me that I was not going to have the band because if I could eat ice cream, I will eat ice cream so he decided I was going to have the by-pass and I, of course, was completely on board with it - I would not have done it if I wasn't on board completely.
Now, by-pass surgery isn't for everyone - weight loss surgery ISN'T for everyone but it was perfect for me. It took about six months for me to go through the pre-surgery process, I had to loose 5% of my weight before I could have it and I had to make some pretty serious commitments to myself, the hubs and my medical team. I lost 20 pounds pre-surgery, which was more than I needed to. I also needed to do some serious soul searching, too. This was a lifetime decision, it affected the hubs and L and it was truly a life or death situation - life because it was going to save my life and add years to it, death because if I didn't do it, I could die and if I did do it I could die.... Ultimately, I decided I'd rather die trying than doing nothing and I was so terribly unhappy I can't say if I wouldn't have died from "other" reasons.
On the way to the hospital, morning of my surgery - April 29, 2099 - I looked at the hubs, asked if I was doing the right thing, he told me that he wouldn't bring me unless he thought I was. So, needless to say - I had the surgery! I started weighing my heaviest 321 pounds and lost 141 pounds to my lowest, adult weight, of 185 pounds. I should add that I lost the total weight in six months - normally, you would loose the weight in 9-12 months, I was ahead of the game!
This is where the REAL work started...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Why now?
I have decided to start a blog to share my story with my weight, weight loss, struggles and the reality behind what happens when the weight is gone and I can't hide behind the fat anymore. I'm hoping that my story will help other people as they decide to move forward on their journey. Otherwise, it will probably be a lot of random rambling! I hope that, once I get passed my introduction (if you will), that I will be able to share tricks and recipes that I've learned along the way. So here goes!
Today I am 35 years old, my baby (L) is turning 10 tomorrow, my husband (hubs) is 38 and I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant. I have been with hubs for 18 years, married for almost 12. We met when I was 17 and roughly 200 pounds at 5' 8 1/2" tall. I have a brother (bro) and two sisters (sis 1 and sis 2) in that order - I am the youngest.
A quick background: My parents divorced when I was young, my dad remarried twice, I had two boy friends but nothing at all serious - I was way too young, kids at school didn't really make fun of me for being a big girl but no one wanted to be my boy friend because they would get made fun of, school was a struggle for me (I've recently decided I'm ADD - self diagnosed - and I think that's why I did little but got by), I could go on and on about this that and the other thing but the bottom line is at the end of the day I didn't like myself very well and I always had excuses to fall back on.
Ultimately, I was a big girl at a young age. I learned to medicate my problems with food and think I really became a food addict; hubs and I disagree on that, he thinks I found comfort in food but that I wasn't actually addicted - I think I was addicted. I weighed around 200 pounds when I met him, I was 17 and 5' 8 1/2" tall. I have been told that I carried it well due to my overall size... BS to that I say!
Life with the hubs was great before he was the hubs. It was wonderful to be with a man who didn't care (or at least acted as he didn't) about my weight. We had a ton of fun drinking and partying like rock stars for a few years. By the time I was 21 I was over the "21 scene" and was ready to move on. We moved into our first apartment and we were DIRT POOR! It was still great though! From there we eventually got married and had L. By this time, I weighed 296 pounds pretty consistently. When I found out I was pregnant with L I weighed 315 pounds which I lost pretty quickly. My pregnancy was great - no swelling, minimal morning sickness and, really, no complications that were too concerning. Two months after he was born I lost 35 pounds - I promise you I quickly put that back on!
Life became much more of a struggle, sadly. Two months after L was born three planes crashed into our buildings and a fourth into a field. So many people were killed. I work in a government type setting so it was tough to go back to work, new baby and terrorists.
Two years later I was pregnant again, but this baby didn't make - I lost it at 8 weeks, about six months later it happened again.
Hubs and I continued to have financial challenges, as many do, I was an emotional wreck and just getting bigger and bigger all the time. I chose not to take care of myself. All that got me was 321 pounds, a prescription for antidepressants and my bed.
So this where my weight loss journey begins...
Today I am 35 years old, my baby (L) is turning 10 tomorrow, my husband (hubs) is 38 and I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant. I have been with hubs for 18 years, married for almost 12. We met when I was 17 and roughly 200 pounds at 5' 8 1/2" tall. I have a brother (bro) and two sisters (sis 1 and sis 2) in that order - I am the youngest.
A quick background: My parents divorced when I was young, my dad remarried twice, I had two boy friends but nothing at all serious - I was way too young, kids at school didn't really make fun of me for being a big girl but no one wanted to be my boy friend because they would get made fun of, school was a struggle for me (I've recently decided I'm ADD - self diagnosed - and I think that's why I did little but got by), I could go on and on about this that and the other thing but the bottom line is at the end of the day I didn't like myself very well and I always had excuses to fall back on.
Ultimately, I was a big girl at a young age. I learned to medicate my problems with food and think I really became a food addict; hubs and I disagree on that, he thinks I found comfort in food but that I wasn't actually addicted - I think I was addicted. I weighed around 200 pounds when I met him, I was 17 and 5' 8 1/2" tall. I have been told that I carried it well due to my overall size... BS to that I say!
Life with the hubs was great before he was the hubs. It was wonderful to be with a man who didn't care (or at least acted as he didn't) about my weight. We had a ton of fun drinking and partying like rock stars for a few years. By the time I was 21 I was over the "21 scene" and was ready to move on. We moved into our first apartment and we were DIRT POOR! It was still great though! From there we eventually got married and had L. By this time, I weighed 296 pounds pretty consistently. When I found out I was pregnant with L I weighed 315 pounds which I lost pretty quickly. My pregnancy was great - no swelling, minimal morning sickness and, really, no complications that were too concerning. Two months after he was born I lost 35 pounds - I promise you I quickly put that back on!
Life became much more of a struggle, sadly. Two months after L was born three planes crashed into our buildings and a fourth into a field. So many people were killed. I work in a government type setting so it was tough to go back to work, new baby and terrorists.
Two years later I was pregnant again, but this baby didn't make - I lost it at 8 weeks, about six months later it happened again.
Hubs and I continued to have financial challenges, as many do, I was an emotional wreck and just getting bigger and bigger all the time. I chose not to take care of myself. All that got me was 321 pounds, a prescription for antidepressants and my bed.
So this where my weight loss journey begins...
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